You're so damn beautiful.

Yesterday I had an appointment with my therapist/social worker at 11, and in the same clinic, an appointment with my psychiatrist at 1:50. Needless to say, I had a huge gap between appointments so I sat around, got lost in the hospital/complex paced around outside and then decided to wait inside because it was cold.

As I was sitting there, in the lobby outside the clinic I go to, the receptionist guy was leaving for his lunch. He stops and says "I just have to tell you, you're so damn beautiful. You're the most beautiful girl. I mean--everytime you come in here, damn."

It took me by surprise but I smiled and said "Thanks!" liked I'd never heard it before, which I have, but it still surprises me when I do.

Also, awkwardly enough, a guy I used to sleep with years ago (who has a very loveable bullmastiff dog and is the roughest sex I've ever had [minus the guy who raped me]), saw me enter the building. I heard "Sarah!" but I convinced myself someone had just said "Sir!" so I kept walking. But then when I was sitting in the waiting room, Bullmastiff suddenly appeared standing in front of me. He is about 6' or 6'1, pretty ordinarily handsome looking and has blond hair and the lightest blue eyes. I didn't recognize him at first.

I first met him online probably before I was even 18. So I've known him six years? Five maybe? He had this bihawk thing going on [See Ill. 1], his bridge pierced twice, rode a motorcycle and was extremely terrifying. But women like bad men, blablabla. Anyway, when I saw him yesterday He's taken his piercings out, he had a completely normal short haircut, cleanshaven and was wearing an EMT uniform. WTF?

It was awkard. When I'm put in awkward situations, I often get really quiet and I just stared at him dumbly and kept asking how he was doing. He kept asking how it was living in the city again, what was I doing with my time, etc. and I gave him vague answers that I think sort of made him laugh at me.

He gives off this attitude (whether it's intentional or not, I have no idea) that all my problems would be fixed if I slept with him again. It's not that he isn't good in bed, but he has a very unique sexual style. I'll explain more in a later post, I'm sure. He has a huge dick and I even have stories specifically about the size of his dick. But I'm honestly not a fan of big penises, and I'm guessing he doesn't run into girls like me all that often.

Anyone else a fan of smaller penises? Probably, it's just me.


Illustration 1.

Intro to Tokyo Guy pt. 1

I remember the first time I told you I loved you, and you were pissed that I had said it first. I was so nervous and I think I said it in bed after we had sex one night in the closet. You said it back, which was a relief but my heart was still pounding. Later you argued that you said it first, days before that, but you whispered it and I didn't hear it--so it doesn't count.

I remember one time when you were drunk, coming back from your own going away party, and you took a shower at my place. Your eyes were looking greener than they ever do and you were just in a towel. You collapsed on my futon and I took the towel off you and climbed on top of you. Your skin smelled nice from the shower and I noticed the contrast of your pink hot-from-the-shower skin with your too-green eyes. I could still smell and taste alcohol on your mouth. This was before I drank much, and it kind of turned me off, but I loved you so much. Even though you were drunk I knew you loved me and I knew you were happy to be able to come back to my apartment after your party.

And then you left me and it changed a lot of things.

I don't want to date anymore. I love dating, but I hate the part when I fall in love and then the boy moves away to an Asian country. What is it with me loving guys with Yellow Fever?

Stop it, Anna. Just stop it.

A Fresh Start.

Four and a half years ago I wrote in another blog of mine "Growing up is fucking exciting." I'm 23 now and stupid-cliche as it is, I am still growing up. It's a little bit less exciting; I'm jaded, bitter, and more or less a fatalist.

But 4.5 years ago I was 19 and just beginning to really date. I don't mean I hadn't had boyfriends before, I'd been in love twice by then, but I hadn't seriously serial dated. I started meeting people from Craigslist, Myspace (it was 2005) and other random internet sources.

This blog serves two purposes: edutainment for my readers, and for my personal use, to record the memoirs of my 20-something life.